Sunday, December 23, 2007


Change is something that we all have to endure. It's inevitable. Some changes are good, some bad. Some will not really affect you, and some are just plain heart wrenching. Either way, we have to deal with it. We have to make a choice on how we are going to handle it. Sometimes, that in itself, is harder than what has changed or what needs to be changed.

In talking to a friend yesterday, I realized a lot of hard truths about myself. Things that I know are there and need to be dealt with. Things that I know I need to change or it will eventually eat at me until I can't handle it anymore. Or even worse, destroy those around me: my family, my friends. What struck me the most though, was the fact that without me saying what was going on, he knew. Like he was inside my head. It kind of scared me at first, that he knew so much about how I was feeling, because its not something that I freely say or admit to. It all came from observation. It hit me that if he could see it, how many others could see it too. That did not sit well with me.

I'm not going to sit here and list all that we discussed as that would just open me up to things that I, for one, am not ready for. Its not what is wrong that is important, its that i'm going to change it. I have to make the choice to step up to the plate and make a decision to make my life better, because no one else is going to do it for me, nor can they.

Change is almost always difficult, and the changes that I have to make are certainly not easy and will not happen overnight, yet I am willing to push on and move forward. What will help immensely is something that my friend said to me. After a great deal of time was spent, he said something to me that will always be in the forefront of my mind. Three little words that made me cry, not because I was sad, but because for once it actually felt like someone gave a damn. He said "you're worth it". He will never truly know how much those words meant to me. So for that I want to say Thank You! I really don't know what I would do without you!

So... heres to change *holds up invisible glass and "tinks" yours*.

Ciao. --- "thats the European dream.. to ride a moped and go. Chow.."

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