Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Moving On

Tomorrow will mark eleven months since my mother passed away. It doesn't seem possible that that much time has already gone by, but I miss her every day. Some said that as time passed, it would get easier, that the pain would never go away, but it would get easier. I'm not convinced of that. My heart hurts thinking about her and everything that she is missing, or maybe what I am missing with her. Every time something exciting happens or when something goes wrong, the first thing I want to do is go tell my mom and I can't do that anymore. I don't have that confidante to go to, to laugh or cry with. I know that I have others in my life that I can go to, yet it's not the same.

The hardest thing that is happening right now is that on Friday, October 3rd, my dad is getting re-married. He loved my mom with all of his heart, and he still does. I know that for a fact. In losing my mom, he lost a part of himself and his world. They were married for 20+ years and loneliness set in. He loved and missed her, but he met someone else quite soon after. I was devastated when I learned of this and I know that it was a selfish feeling and it wasn't fair, but that is how I felt and sometimes still do. I just cannot imagine my dad with anyone but my mother. Now he is going to marry someone else.

I met her almost two months ago, and she is wonderful. She is kind and loving. She is funny and honest. There are so many things I like about her and I know why my dad fell in love with her. She makes him happy, and when all is said and done, that is what is important. Things happen in life that we cannot control, nor do we have any say over, and we have to move on in our own time.

My dad was lucky to have found love with my mom and now he's found that once again. A different kind of love, as he will never love anyone like he loved my mother. Just the same, he found something twice, where some never find it at all. I cannot begin to understand how love works, but to find love is an amazing thing, and when you find it, you should hold on to it, treasure it, and give it back two fold.

Congratulations Daddy...I wish you and she all the happiness in the world.....I love you, and I love her too!

Chantal Kreviazuk - Feels Like Home

Sunday, September 28, 2008

On the bookshelf...

Life gets so unbelievably busy. It's during these times that I just want to get lost in a good book. Forget about the hustle and bustle of life for a short while, and immerse myself in a new world. I'm not looking to escape my own life, necessarily, just take a break.

I haven't been able to do this in quite a while and I thought it about time I stuck my nose back in a few books.

Before going to California, I was introduced to a new author, Piers Anthony. He has written several, and I mean several books. The series suggested to me was the Xanth series so that was where I began. Book One: A Spell for Chameleon. I must admit, when I first saw the cover, I wasn't interested. I know, I know. Don't judge a book by its cover. Right! I'm ever so glad I took a chance on this book.

In short, it's about a young lad who has to be able to demonstrate that he holds magic or he will be banished from the land of Xanth, which has been his home for nearly 25 years. His journey takes him through obstacle after obstacle, overcoming each one. Throughout the fantasy, he learns many things, things that can and should apply to our own lives. Anthony really makes you stop and think at certain points in the book, yet he is so witty at times to draw you away from the seriousness of the situation. I won't give any more of the story away, because it really is a fun read, and if you like fantasy, I highly recommend it. The book takes you through a lot of emotions: Happiness, sadness, sorrow, excitement, anxiousness....on and on. I remember being on the bus heading home from California and I was nearly finished. The woman sitting behind me leaned up and said, "That must be a really good book you have there. You keep turning those pages faster and faster". We both laughed, I agreed and stuck my nose right back in. Give it a go and let me know what you think. =)

The other book that I read was Nights In Rodanthe. A friend at work was talking to me about it and asked if I wanted to read it and that it was a fast paced book. I said sure, why not. I wasn't really excited about it because I had tried to read another Sparks book called The Wedding, and I just couldn't get into it. Well, this one was different. I started reading it on September 22nd and finished it on the 24th! I would have had it completed sooner had it not been for work...lol.

Anyways, it was a sappy love story, well written, and like my friend said, fast paced. It's your typical man and woman meet in an unusual circumstance, fall in love romance. I don't mean for my words to sound trite, as I am all for a good romance, it's just difficult to describe it with out giving away too much.

What I loved most about this book is the way Sparks portrayed how strong of a woman Adrienne is. She experienced a lot of heartache and yet, moved on and lived her life. The past was just that, the past, and she moved forward. She was able to find happiness in the midst of a terrible tragedy, learned from it, and passed it along to her daughter.

This book was not only about a wonderful romance, but truly, about learning lifes hard lessons and the choices we can make to overcome them.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Tune It Up #2

I sort of forgot about doing this, adding videos of my favorites. I have three that I'd like to share today, one being my favorite as of current and two others that I have found in using Blip.fm (you can find me there, if you click HERE).

When I first saw Blip, I rolled my eyes. I just figured it was another "Twitter" (which I love) and I didn't need something else like that. Much like Jaiku, Plurk, and a few others that I tried, they all eventually dissolved and I went back to Twitter. However, I will try almost anything at least once, try it out, and decide after that.

I've decided that I really do enjoy Blip and its not really like Twitter at all. Sure, you can converse and enjoy friends and give props and all those fun things, but I like it to become exposed to music that I've never had the pleasure of hearing before. There is so much out there waiting to be heard. I can't wait to see what else comes along for me to enjoy.

Staind - Believe (current fave)

Sia - Breathe Me

This video intrigues me. It's unique...

Mew - Special

Saturday, September 20, 2008


more animals

When I saw this posted on icanhascheezeburger, the very first thing I thought of was a favorite fairy tale of mine, Peter Pan (Lost Boys). Tootles had been one of Wendy's orphans and in the story he was now an old man who had said that he lost his marbles. The story lead you to believe that he has lost or is losing his mind or becoming senile, when all in all, in this tale, he literally did lose his marbles. The glass kind. Peter retrieved these from one of the boys in Neverland and returned them to Toodles. Upon the return, a bit of fairy dust spilled out of the bag, and he was able to return to Neverland. I hope, that when I am old and gray, and have lived a fulfilling life, that someone will return MY marbles, and I can fly off to Neverland.....

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Never Forget

Even though it was seven years ago, I remember it like it was yesterday.

At the time I worked for a company that supported men and women that had developmental disabilities. I was responsible for transporting some of the men and women to work or school in the morning, after that, I worked at the house that they lived in to help support daily activities of the other residents.

I was transporting a few clients and the radio was on. As we parked the van and began to get out, there was an announcement on the radio indicating that there was a terrorist attack in New York. That was the only detail I had heard, and I really was only half listening because I was working and the safety of my clients was my first priority. We walked into the building and no one knew anything about it as there were no televisions or radios going. Again, I didn't think anything of it. After getting everyone settled, I went back out to the van. On the way, another transporter passed me with a look of horror on his face and said, "did you hear that an airplane just hit the World Trade Tower?". I stared at him blankly and lightly shook my head no. He told me to turn on the radio. I ran to the van and got in, and I remember seeing that it was 8:52a central time. Now I know that it had only been 6 minutes after the first plane hit.

I couldn't get back to the house fast enough. Once I arrived I tore through the door to turn on the television after the horrors I had heard on the radio. Everyone kept asking what was wrong and I couldn't even talk. I turned on the television, took about three steps back and knelt down on my knees and sat back, still not saying a word. It was 9:02a as they spoke of a second plane heading toward the south tower. Tears streamed down my face as I watched the second plane hit at 9:03a. They kept playing the image over and over as though it wasn't real. I couldn't believe what I was seeing no matter how many times they showed it.

I didn't know anyone in the Towers, or even in New York, but all I could think about was the people that were there. The people in the planes, in the Tower, on the ground. Their friends, family, loved ones. All I could do was sob and watch as a part of our nation was being destroyed. I sat in front of the tv watching the videos and the horror of how the morning unfolded. After the Tower attack, it was then flight 77 that crashed into the Pentagon, and then the Flight 93 crash near Pittsburgh. This was all before 11a. Two hours....our country changed forever.

They began talking about possible other cities of attack, Chicago being one of them. I am only about an hour and a half north of Chicago so that only added to my worry. That, and the fact that I knew my dad was in Chicago for business. The entire day was full of unknowns.

I knew that my family was safe and I contacted them multiple times throughout the day. It was the longest work day of my life. I just wanted to get home and hold my children, my oldest being 3 and my newborn son, less than 2 months old. I held them the entire night as each news station recapped the devastation and cried.

I know how I felt, not being directly involved. I cannot even fathom how those that lost loved ones even managed that day or the days after. My heart still goes out to those and it pains me to remember this day seven years ago, the tears still forming as I write this post.

That day, 09/11/01, changed us forever. We will never forget......

A video with photos from that terrible day...all to fresh...it was like it was yesterday.

Alan Jackson wrote Where Were You.....this song still makes me cry when I hear it.

Never Forget ~~ 09/11/01

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Slow Squared

So this really isn't a blog post per say, but this picture made me smile because I love turtles and the caption was good! =) That, and it just goes to show you it doesn't matter how slow things may be going, as long as you have a good friend with you, you have all the time in the world.

more animals

Monday, September 1, 2008


We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.
Chuck Klosterman- Killing Yourself to Live