Friday, January 11, 2008

I Miss You

This week has been a really rough week in an assortment of ways. One of the biggest impacts this week was being told by a friend that a twitter friend, Ashley or @ashPEAmama, had her life taken in a car accident on January 8th. Hearing that news instantly brought tears to my eyes for obvious reasons: a terrible tragedy, a husband and two wonderful babies left behind, mourning friends and family, amongst others. To be honest, I really wasn't close to Ashley but we spoke here and there and she always brought a smile to my face. To hear that she was gone, broke my heart. I know that she will be dearly missed by a lot of people. Ashley, your memory will live on in all of us.

Seeing death as the end of life is like seeing the horizon as the end of the ocean. David Searls


All of this has brought me to post about my mom. Ashley's terribly tragedy reminds me so much of what happened to my mom on November 1st, 2007. Taken so suddenly, not ever being able to say goodbye. The pain and the memories are so fresh that sometimes I just can't breathe. It feels like the world is just closing in on me and won't let go. I'm afraid to sleep because dreams of her consume me in such a way that I cannot even describe. They are not bad dreams, per say, but dreams of which she still exists and waking up knowing it was all a dream, I just cannot bear it. If I could just sleep with out the dreams....I miss her so much!

I miss...

  • laughing with her about the silliest things
  • crying with her
  • making fun of my dad and brother with her
  • teasing her about the things she did that made no sense to us but did to her
  • talking to her on the phone. Sometimes we would get laughing so hard neither one of us could talk
  • playing games with her. Bingo was our favorite thing to go out and do when we visited each other. We never won but it was time spent together
  • brushing her hair. She loved that so much!
  • her heart. She had the biggest heart of anyone I know and would do anything, give anything, if it made you happy
  • love of animals
  • her cooking
  • her smile
  • her hugs
  • hearing her say I love you the most.

Oh..this is a hard post.. *deep breath* ..

If you can remember one thing, remember to always tell the ones you love, that you do. Make sure that they know it!! Don't let a day go by that you don't say it because you never know when the day will come that you won't be able to say it anymore.

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