Friday, November 2, 2007

And it all comes tumbling down....

This will probably be the most difficult post I have ever done. So many things have happened over the last few months and just when you think things couldn't get any worse. WHAM!!

Yesterday was the beginning of NaNoWriMo. I had planned to begin last night when I got home from work and complete my daily goal of 1667 words. I realize now, that the plans for my novel have taken a complete turnaround and new meaning.

My world has forever changed as of last night. I get home and was told I needed to call my dad right away. Well, my dad hardly ever calls so right off I was worried. I picked up the phone, dialed the number, to hear him answer in a terrifying voice. A thousand things went through my mind, but not what he was about to tell me.

He asked me if I was sitting down, and I said, "Dad, I'm ok standing. What's wrong?". He says, "NO! Sit down.". I comply. At this point he starts crying and I get really scared. I say, "DAD, what's wrong??". He replies, "Karrie, your mom was in a car accident this morning. A really bad car accident. She didn't make it." The world stopped at that moment. I could not have just heard what he said. There is just no possible way. I couldn't talk. I couldn't breathe. My body started shaking, sobbing. All that I could do was cry.

Right now I am just numb. I don't know how to feel. I sit and stare thinking that there is no possible way she is gone. That I am just stuck in a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. That I will wake up and she will be there for me to hug again. I know, deep down, that I will never be able to hug her again. I will never hear her laugh again. What I will miss most, is watching my kids with her. She lived 5 hours away and we didn't see as much of each other that we would have liked, but when we did, times were special. My kids adored her. She will forever be in our heart and I will love her forever.

I know now that I cannot sit and write fiction for NaNoWriMo. My mother died on November 1st, the start of NaNoWriMo, so my novel will be for her. Will be about her, about us and the family and our friends. So I never forget. How could I possibly write about anything else?

I love you, Mom! I will miss you. You will forever be in my heart, always on my mind.

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