Saturday, November 1, 2008

One Year Later

A year ago today, was the worst day of my entire life. (blog post) A year ago today, my dad was telling me that my mother had been in a car accident and didn't survive. I remember it as though it was yesterday. I remember calling my dad after a message had been left knowing something was wrong, but never in a million years did I ever think I would have heard the news that I heard that night. The pain is still so fresh when I think of it, which is often. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my mom and miss her terribly. Not a day goes by where I don't feel that knot of sickness in my stomach, that feeling that it just can't be real, that she just cannot be gone, not forever.

She was so young. At 49 she had an entire life ahead of her. The worst part, it was unexpected. It just happened. She was here one day, and gone the next. No warning. No time for a goodbye. No preparation for the loss...she was just...gone. I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to tell her that I loved her one last time. I didn't get to give her a hug and tell her everything would be ok.

I miss her so much. Today was a hard day. Emotionally draining. I don't think it will ever get easier. I can move on, take each day one at a time, put one foot in front of the other, but the pain of missing my mom will never lessen.....never.

Mom, I told you every time I saw you, or spoke to you, but I love you so much.....

"Does the sun shine up at you when you're looking down? Do you get along with the others around ...."

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